It seems obvious that if we are trying to heal ourselves, we need to be nice to ourselves. Yet I see countless examples of folks (including myself) seeking to improve themselves through methods that involve aggression. Aggression is so widespread these days (even low-grade forms such as sarcasm) that it has crept its way into the healing realm. Hey! How did you get here aggression? Go back to assertiveness, where you came from. It might help to pause here and define aggression. My friend Wikipedia states that aggression is "behavior intended to cause humiliation, pain or harm... and intended to increase the dominance of one thing over another... Aggression can be physical, mental or verbal." We usually think of aggression as social, but it can most definitely happen within the self-the mind trying to dominate the body, the body trying to win over the mind, etc. In my own practice, I've found that the exact opposite of this (non-aggression) is a wonderful approach in bringing more ease and harmony to the body-mind.
To me, non-aggression means that no one is trying to win. There is no force involved. No one is seeking to be right or to prove someone else wrong. It is not the same as passivity or doing nothing, though sometimes non-action is required in the non-aggressive approach. Since this is all sounding kind of theoretical, let me make it more real with an example-low back pain. Low back pain affects at least 80% of us at some point in our lives and is the 5th most common reason for all physician visits in the U.S. (Archives of Internal Medicine). I see LOTS of folks with low back pain in my yoga classes. The first thing I usually say to them is "do what you can; don't force yourself". Not forcing can be extremely challenging for many people, especially if they are achievement oriented, but it is essential in the healing process. Forcing is aggression because your mind wins (I did it!) and your body loses (ouch!). The mind is dominant over the body. So what is the non-aggressive approach? Well, it starts with awareness. Being aware of and listening to the painful area. Breathing is the best way to cultivate awareness because your mind follows your breath as your body feels your breath. The mind and body are working together. Then, as you start to move with awareness, you can hear/feel the feedback your body is offering to you at all times.
Here's a really simple exercise for low back pain with a non-aggressive approach. As you know, I am not a doctor, so this is not meant to be prescriptive, just something you can experiment with in your own body. Lay on the floor and become aware of your breath. Feel it move through your body. Hug your right knee in toward your chest. Notice your low back. Did it flatten onto the floor? Most likely. The low back has a natural curve; to help return that natural curve to the lower spine and make your low back happy, try this. Spread your toes (to wake up your feet and legs and muscles) and allow your left thigh to settle. This may involve loosening the grip on your right knee and letting it move slightly away from you. Relax your shoulders, face and neck and take several breaths. Notice how awareness of breath, softening of the muscles that don't need to be firing and moving with awareness bring a totally different quality to the pose (no forcing, nothing is dominating). Notice what happens when you bring this non-aggressive approach into other parts of your life. For me, this is hard. I like to be right. I like to win. I force myself sometimes. But when I allow myself to practice non-aggression, it's such a sweet relief and my body and mind respond in a wonderful way.
Peace to you and your body-mind.
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